The ''wtf'' games list for late 2008..

Warning: bit of a wall of text and rambling below.

Yeah so in my state of bank holiday bordem I decided to go looking at some of the releases coming out this year and wow, I found some absolutely crazy stuff out there.. so I thought i'd share with you all some truely mindblowing titles being released this year, primarily on PC..


First up we have WSC REAL 08: World Snooker Championship.. being released on the 5th of september..

Which is available on pretty much every single current generation platform.. now my biggest issue with this is that it will cost 40 british pounds.. so probably 70 dollars to you americans.. I mean hell a years membership at my local snooker and pool club doesnt cost that much! Plus theres never been a point in my life where I have gone ''Oh I say I do wish I could go play some good old english snooker but by golly my legs seem to have fallen off, if only I'd spent that 40 pounds on that snooker game I could enjoy a traditionally social game in relatively anti-social peace!''


¬¬ Moving swiftly on.. we hit a real gem on the following week..
WWII Battle Tanks: T-34 vs. Tiger! with NEW unrealisitc graphics and tedium garruntee'd! Yeah as far as bad ideas for games that one is pretty far down the barrel.. and no picture for this as they havent released any box art yet.. >__>


But it gets worse.. and seriously I LOVE shit like this.. I want to know who sat down and was like ''hmm we need an idea for a new game.. those prototype guys were obviously inspired by the thing and other excellent horror movies.. LETS USE TV! *insert them flicking through channels to see their inspiration*.. PERFECT! ZE GATS MEN WE'VE FOUND OUR IDEA!! HELLS KITCHEN!!

Yes thats right, everyones favourite TV show has been turned into a game for release on September the 26th.. and they have obviously realised the error of brain storming while smoking illegal substances because they release no information about the game bar when they first announced it and must be so embarrased about it.. seriously get this.. its genius..


''Take on the role of an aspiring chef working under the withering gaze of chef Gordon Ramsay in this game inspired by the TV show, featuring unlockable recipes.''


UNLOCKABLE RECIPES.. oh my god how fantastic is that! Isnt the world a so much brighter place now you know you can get unlockable recipes in the game of the season.. booya.. ¬¬


And also just incase you were thinking they'd get a dodgy voice actor for the main man.. allow the follow press statement to aleviate your worries..


''Ramsay will be lending his voice and likeness to the game, which should give gamers a good target to throw their controller at when he tells them their soufflé tastes like cow excrement. The game will also have some of Ramsay's favorite recipes, which can be printed out''


.. Or alternatively you could just throw your controller at your TV for his actual show and go buy his latest cook book or even take a look at some recipes that are online.. i suggest his honey fried chicken with a zest of lemon.. really good actually..


I mean.. I know originality is a problem these days in the entertainment industry.. but this really is just banana's.. whats next? Dog borstal extreme tactical dog training? Queer eye for the straight guy: fashion disaster! ? Or maybe.. just maybe.. CNN: live report? where your chosen news presenter has to deal with breaking news! quick time emergency messages and not to mention moving up into primetime!!!


I'm almost convinced now that on the back of the neck of nearly every media bigwig, producer and anyone with inspiration is a little bug thing.. with the head of George Lucas.. because I refuse to believe Steven Spielberg would have gone along with George's ''superior'' script for Indiana jones 4.. something not right man..


So anyway getting away from my crazy paranoia and back on track.. next up we have Aliens: Colonial Marines on november the 1st.. in theory..

Now I know some of you are going to call me out on this one and go ''hang on one minute you! Aliens was an awesome movie and surely the game would bring the tension and action from it successfully to the gaming medium.''


And I would love to agree with you but for a few simple points.. back when the Playstation 2 was first released I remember looking through some games magazines and do you know what I saw? Thats right this game was originally being developed for release on the playstation 2 oooo say... 7 years ago, maybe longer? The past decade has been a bit of a blur.. its not the all time record for long production to produce a god awful game that honor belongs to ''too human'' which took the developers 10 years to make a horrible game..


Aliens: colonial marines supposedly has the unreal engine behind it (how original and modern ¬¬) and although was originally going to be a traditional fps they apparantly have gone for the squad controlling fps.. which means its basically going to be like gearboxes other squad controlling fps game: band of brothers.. or whatever it is called. In fact I wouldnt be suprised if they simply copied a lot of the games coding.. the team making Aliens have already been proven to be that lazy.. over 7 years man!!!


And to be honest with you I seriously doubt it'll actually be released. Supposedly its being made by Gearbox software, the people who are making borderlands a game coming out next year which will be smegging great.. but it seems that because of borderlands and other titles gearbox are actually trying to complete this project has suffered massively. And even if they do release it I fear they'll attempt the silent release approach not allowing critics to play it and review prior to launch and snaring unlikely people with promises of a fun time for the whole family.. or be it a traumatic one for anyone under the age of 15..


Anyway next up we get ''This is Vegas'' also in november..

Now already by the title I know a few of you will be like ''oh shit''..


And yep those people would be right.. because you know theres one thing that i've never been able to do whenever I go to vegas for my bi-monthly gamble-athon.. ie: smash someone in the face with a bottle or maybe put 50k on a single spin of a wheel! And now thankfully! I'll be able to live the dream!


This Is Vegas ''lets you live out your violence- and gambling-related fantasies in the City of Sin.''


I'm just going to leave that one at that, primarily as gambling is stupid.. but also because 1) its the last truely terrible concept for a game I saw for release this year and 2) I realise that the above is a solid wall of text and for that i'm sorry.

The other 2 games out there that I wouldve ranted at bar not wanting to bore you more than I already have were;

- Imagine Pet Hospital: out on the 23rd of October you get to play as a young veterinarian starting a job at a newly built animal rescue center as you get all of the admitted animals healthy and placed into permanent homes. Funtastic!

- Bella Sara: out in the final week of 08. The popular trading card game for young girls brings fantasy horses and positive messages to PC. Postas.. no that doesnt work damnit.. ¬¬

So I guess the question I have to ask you all is.. WHO ELSE IS PREORDERING THE ABOVE SUPER AWESOME TITLES?! I KNOW I HAVE!!!

¬¬

Danke..